Collectif pour une sécurité sociale de l'alimentation en Touraine
Affairs of the Heart
Résumé
SA
Billet
Have we become a jaded society when we see a wedding ring on someone’s finger and choose to flirt anyway? Someone tells us they are divorced and we invest our heart only to find out later they are indeed married. Are we just as guilty if we continue the relationship? What if two married couples who are unsatisfied at home find excitement and passion in each other and start an affair? Are all of these people to blame for the 50 percent divorce rate today?
It starts with flirting, emailing, texting, and develops into a friendship. Before you know it, you’re both stroking each other’s neglected areas that have been craving attention for so long. There is a mutual connection and a dangerous spark ignites. You begin to long for this person and your thoughts are captivated by them. It could be a co-worker, client, or God forbid, your boss. It is always someone who is unavailable. The ultimate taboo topic: “Having an Affair.”
Maybe you didn’t mean for it to happen but you also didn’t walk away when you had the chance. Was it thinking, I can handle just one kiss because it won’t go any further? Of course it will go further and soon your mind will justify your behavior. Is it possible for two married adulterers to have an agreement? You agree neither of you has any intention of ever leaving your respective partners. This understanding now makes it safe to begin the affair. These exhilarating trysts have little threat or risk since there are no strings attached. You can rest assure that neither of you will go “Fatal Attraction” on the other. These types of affairs can go on for years without anyone ever knowing.
What can go wrong? Well, getting caught for one, but in today’s technological world, it is as easy as ever to have an affair. Still, there is one issue that never seems to be discussed. The inevitable—most women cannot separate sex and love. Sure, in the beginning woman talk a good game about having their needs met sexually; it’s fun, romantic, and exciting. Maybe the woman has justified the affair possibly because her husband ignores her, focuses all his time on work, or doesn’t make her a priority.
The man’s excuse will go something along the lines of, my wife doesn’t appreciate me, I don’t feel cared for, or my wife only has sex with me once a month. Ladies, a man requires sex more than once a month or guess what? “He will be looking elsewhere.” Back to the couple having the affair—the woman will inevitably develop true feelings or possibly even fall in love. Her current life will no longer satisfy her and she will want something more from the affair.
As I said, it is not natural for woman to separate sex and love on a long-term basis. Every aspect of a woman’s life is connected. Our relationships, family, friends, children, work, etc. When we think of one, we think of how it will affect all the rest. A man on the other hand is capable of compartmentalizing his emotions. Men have boxes in their minds where they store their information. Each box separately labeled—food, sex, work, kids, wife, mistress, sports. You get the idea. One never interferes or overlaps with the other. This is why most men never leave their wives for their mistress.
Studies show that if a man hasn’t left his wife after three months into the affair, he probably never will. If the man has children, he will tell you he can’t leave because of his children. I am not condoning home wrecking. I am saying with all the statistics we have today and woman as independent as ever—how are we still falling for the same empty promises? Are there simply not enough men to go around? Or is it all the good ones are taken and the rest are gay? Why are woman with perfectly good husbands cheating?
An affair will change a woman more than a man, especially if both of them fall in love. I am not talking about the excitement of a forbidden rendezvous. I am referring to the kind of love affair that sets your soul on fire. You connect physically in a way that feeds your soul and satisfies like nothing else. Someone easy to be around, who appreciates you, who accepts your personality and doesn’t try to change you, who makes you laugh. The kind of love—while you’re in bed, wrapped in each other’s arms, whispers in your ear, “Jane, do you know that I love you?” You are in such shock that your only response is “No.” He says, “Well I do, and I always will.”
He broke the agreement and spoke the unspeakable. You are smiling and thinking to yourself, “This is the person I would have married had the timing been different.” This type of affair will wreak havoc and force you to question every aspect of your marriage. The sin of comparison eventually envelopes your every thought. Even where there was once happiness in your marriage there will be despair. Your heart will ache for this other person. Even though he admitted loving you, he has no intention of ever leaving his wife. His feelings for you may be true but that is only one box; all the other boxes relate to another life.
Intelligent, sane woman now more then ever are having affairs. They give into their emotions and stray outside the marriage only to suffer in turmoil. Some woman and men are capable of continuing on in an empty marriage knowing their lives will never truly be complete. Others will realize they can no longer recapture what is now lost forever. The true pain comes in knowing that you are now left with choices and decisions. Ending your own marriage because you know it cannot measure up to the affair or end the affair and stay in an empty marriage, lying to yourself and your spouse.
Affairs are dirty little secrets that lead to destruction, hurt, pain, or divorce. Maybe you’re thinking, I know couples who had an affair, left their marriages, and now have a happy life together. As a hopeless romantic myself, in a perfect world true love prevails—meaning the couple involved in the affair end up together. The fairytale aspect would be that no one else (significant others and/or children) would get hurt. Inevitably, in an affair someone always gets hurt. Affairs destroy lives, cause misery, and ultimately leave you feeling worse off and empty than before it began. Knowing all this and the usual outcome of an affair, why do so many people risk their lives and their hearts by taking part in them?
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